Many couples believe that if the love is real, everything should just fall into place. But in reality, love isn’t magic, it’s something we work on, grow in, and get better at over time. To show you what this looks like in everyday life, let’s look at two couples: Alex & Jess and Mark & Tessa.
Alex & Jess: The Chemistry That Couldn’t Last
Alex and Jess had that “movie kind of love.”
They met at a friend’s party, locked eyes, and talked all night. In the early months, everything felt easy. They finished each other’s sentences, laughed at the same jokes, and believed they had found “the one.”
But as life got more stressful; new jobs, family issues, financial worries — cracks began to show.
They started arguing more. Jess felt Alex didn’t listen. Alex felt Jess was always criticising.
They never really learned how to communicate through tough moments.
Jess would often say, “Why is this so hard? Shouldn’t love be enough?”
Eventually, the relationship ended not because they didn’t care, but because they didn’t know how to make love work when life got real.
Mark & Tessa: Building Love Like a Team
Mark and Tessa also had a strong connection. But early on, they made one small but powerful decision: they’d treat their relationship like a team project.
They had regular check-ins just 15 minutes a week to ask:
- How are we feeling?
- Is anything bothering you?
- Is there something I could do better?
When they disagreed, they paused, calmed down, and returned to the issue later always choosing the relationship over being right.
They read books together, listened to podcasts, and even saw a therapist once just to improve their communication.
Mark put it simply:
“We’re not good at this by accident. We work at it, together.”
The Lesson: Love Takes Practice
The difference between the two couples wasn’t how much they loved each other, it was how they handled the hard stuff.
Alex and Jess assumed love would carry them.
Mark and Tessa built a foundation that could carry love.
In Keep Love, Paul C. Brunson calls this Truth #1:
“Love is a skill, not just a feeling.”
You wouldn’t expect to be great at playing guitar or managing a business without practice. Why should love be any different?
Love Isn’t Just a Feeling –Try This Together
This week, pick a quiet time and ask your partner:
- How are we doing lately?
- What’s something I’ve done recently that made you feel loved?
- Is there anything you’d like us to try differently?
It’s a small habit — but over time, it builds something strong and lasting.
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